


where i'm going you can't save me (yet)

by safarikalamari



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, Loss of Faith, Loyalty, M/M, Pre-Rogue One, Role Reversal, The Force, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 13:53:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11807295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/safarikalamari/pseuds/safarikalamari
Summary: Of all things to come with the fall of the temple, Baze doesn't expect this





	where i'm going you can't save me (yet)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OrmondSacker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrmondSacker/gifts).



> This is for the [dailyspiritassassin](http://dailyspiritassassin.tumblr.com) fanworks exchange on Tumblr!! One of the prompts that stood out to me was the role reversal where Chirrut loses his faith as Baze maintains his.
> 
> I hope this is sort of what you were looking for ahhh >.<

Baze woke with a mist clouding his sight. He dismissed it at first until memories shot through his mind, painful and clear. The temple doors smashed off their hinges, stormtroopers rounding up students left and right, Baze had tried. Tried to fight back, protect the younger ones, but the stormtroopers were greater in number, forcing Baze to his knees. He grimaced, remembering the sound of cynical laughter when he prayed out loud. 

Leaving his thoughts in favor for his companion, Baze felt the spot next to him and panicked when his hands hit nothing. 

“Chirrut?” Baze sat up, whipping his head around for any signs of the other man. 

With no reply, Baze scrambled to his feet, his hand braced on one of the remaining temple walls. His eyes searched the piles of rubble, the crumbling walls until he saw Chirrut where he should have expected him. In a far corner, Chirrut sat in front of shallow graves, his head bowed. 

Sighing, Baze found the strength to approach, letting Chirrut know of his presence with a hand on his shoulder.

“Baze, why?” Chirrut whispered, his hands twisting his robes. 

Thinking to their lessons over the years, Baze opened his mouth, only to be cut off by Chirrut.

“Don’t talk about that. I will no longer follow foolish words and speculation.”

Baze was taken aback, his lips pursing in worry. Chirrut had never stopped Baze before, nor spoke with such contempt. At a loss, Baze struggled to say what was on his mind as he waded through his confusion.

“We must have faith, Chirrut. The Force-”

“-Why should I put my faith in something that has abandoned me time and time again?” Chirrut scowled. “I’m tired, Baze. I’m sick of holding on…”

Heat pricked at the corner of Baze’s eyes, but he said nothing. He could tell there was no reasoning that would make Chirrut listen. Stubborn as a child, stubborn now, Baze wondered why Chirrut had even continued as long as he did at the temple. He never paid attention during lessons, despite passing with flying colors, and they became guardians together even if Chirrut had laughed the entire ceremony. 

With ruins around them, Baze could sense the darkness filling Chirrut’s heart, but there was something else. As if Chirrut himself was going only so far into his anger before pulling back.

It was then Baze knew the Force would lead Chirrut through, even if Chirrut didn’t believe so. There wasn’t going to be persuasion or telling Chirrut what he wanted to hear. Chirrut was going to take care of himself and Baze wondered if it was freeing rather than a burden.

“I will be near,” Baze breathed, in awe of the man before him. 

When no reply came, Baze stepped away, the darkness creeping closer than he would have liked. It was only when Baze walked through the remains of the temple entrance that he finally exhaled. 

Away from Chirrut, Baze could not hold himself any longer and tears ran down his face. 

~

By the time Baze’s crying had subsided, dusk had fallen in NiJedha. The light posts were just beginning to illuminate the streets and Baze went to find sustenance before he would go back to see Chirrut.

He was sure Chirrut would want little to do with him at the moment, but he supposed having this Chirrut was better than no companion at all. 

Baze kept his head down until he made it back to the temple ruins, walking with trepidation to where he had left Chirrut. Greeted by emptiness, Baze’s stomach dropped and he rushed through the area for any signs of the man. 

Stumbling through an archway, Baze’s breath left him when he saw Chirrut sitting next to what remained of the meditation pond. Parts of the pond remained uncovered and Chirrut was dragging his fingers through the soiled water. 

Baze took his time approaching, wincing a little when the sound of rubble underfoot made Chirrut turn his head slightly. 

“Where did you go?” Chirrut asked. He sounded curious, but Baze felt only guilt for leaving Chirrut alone.

“Food. Water,” Baze replied. 

He didn’t dare tell Chirrut about his own feelings, more concerned about keeping Chirrut strong at this point. 

Chirrut made a small noise of understanding before focusing back on the water, otherwise unmoving as Baze sat down near him.

In the past, Baze had always been able to bring Chirrut up with stories, prayers of the ancient Guardians. It birthed a sense of renewal in Chirrut like nothing Baze had seen. Now, it seemed useless and Baze’s own spirit was thrown into the turmoil.

“I appreciate all you’ve done, Baze,” Chirrut began, his voice low. “I will not ask you to throw away everything we’ve learned. I know how important it is to you.”

Baze pursed his lips, wanting to say otherwise, but he knew it would just be a lie. Chirrut and his faith were on the same line. In Chirrut, he found his faith and in his faith, there was Chirrut. To separate the two would be even more torturous than all that had already happened. 

Again, his voice failed him and Baze reached out, setting a hand on Chirrut’s arm. Chirrut shifted only a little, his other movements keeping their repetition. For a while, it was only their breathing to be heard, the occasional slosh of water mixed in as light and dark coursed through their minds. The stars were glowing bright above them, an unwelcome beauty against the temple destruction. 

“Baze?” Chirrut broke the deafening silence, shuffling closer to Baze.

“I’m here,” Baze was quick to react, shifting his arms to his sides.

He waited until Chirrut had settled before wrapping his arms around him, his heart pounding in his chest. Upon seeing Chirrut visibly relax, Baze almost wanted to cry, but held himself together for his companion’s sake.

“That’s all I need,” Chirrut murmured.

It was clear the exhaustion was taking over his body and Baze gently rocked Chirrut until he had fallen asleep. 

Only then did Baze whisper his prayers, his wishes and fears. There was barely anything left for the two of them and for Chirrut, not even the Force existed. 

While it hurt Baze to no end, the day brought with it an ever growing faith. The Force had its trials and tribulations, ones Baze was willing to endure. 

He would be Chirrut’s faith now as they continued on together. A balance was possible, needed, and Baze gave Chirrut another tight embrace as a star sailed across the sky.

**Author's Note:**

> *elmo rise gif*
> 
> [Tumblr Wumblr](http://safarikalamari.tumblr.com)


End file.
